


Carae

by Kryhs



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Action/Adventure, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age Lore, Dragon Age: Inquisition - Freeform, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Prequel, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5776432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kryhs/pseuds/Kryhs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avalynn can’t sleep with the weight of the world falling on her shoulders and finds small comfort in speaking to a certain Elven Apostate. [[ Prequel to a future story. ]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the Latin/Italian “Cara” meaning “Dear”. That looked a little boring so I slapped an ‘e’ on the end because I’m the writer and I do what I want. Also, I’m so tired I don’t care about the elvish right now. I’ll look it up later and come back to put in the translations. It’s from the DA Elvish page if that helps. Part of a lullaby I found. Anyway, enjoy! This is the first of many chapters. Vhenan’ara (A drabble on my tumblr) is actually going to be scooped up into this fic eventually, but I had so much fun writing this that I sort of started out of order with Vhenan’ara. WHOOPS. Thanks! And, as always, please leave me praise, comments, suggestions, or message me and let me know how much you love / hate me!

The smell of wet earth filled the air as the young elf waited for the sun to rise over the mountains in the distance. Fog danced all around in spectral wisps, playing with her vision and taunting her as she stared out over the terrain. Avalynn had stayed up all night, not able to sleep at all as her traveling companions dozed quietly. Well... most of them.

 

The apostate had remained awake, watching her walk to and fro around the camp. He stayed seated against his tent, one leg supporting a book while the other folded neatly under him. He would look up at her every so often as he made sweeping motions over the page with his hand. Most likely sketching. She hoped, above all else, that he wasn't sketching her. Creators, please, don't let him be sketching her. Not that he couldn't. She couldn't stop him, really. But, it made her uncomfortable to be studied. Watched. Guarded. She didn't want this attention. What had she gotten herself into? She couldn't even remember why she was at the conclave to begin with. How had she gotten in this mess?

 

At least her memories before the conclave were intact. But, everything concerning the mark and The Fade. Gone.

 

Avalynn felt the breeze stir the small strands of hair that escaped her braids. She hadn't taken her hair down in six days. She'd need to wash it soon or risk infection on her scalp. Turning back to the camp for a moment she saw that Solas had stood and stretched his arms far over his head, his back arching gracefully as he reached up onto his toes. Something about the way he moved looked burdened. Heavy. She couldn't place it, but it wasn't the same flourish with which he fought. And, it seemed off. But, she would rather keep that information to herself. They already suspect the two of them to be in leagues together. His lack of vallaslin aside, apparently

 

It was enough that she had elves around her. All the humans either revering her or sneering at her made her uncomfortable. They couldn’t decide if she was sent from the Maker or from the Breach.

 

_Andraste guide me, her ass._

 

Avalynn sighed as she settled on the hilltop, refocusing her attention as the blue-gold of morning began to paint the sky through the thick mist that would never lift. She heard the crunch of frost tipped grass underfoot behind her and turned to see Solas making his way up the hill. His blue eyes caught hers and she felt her breath catch. The warm light of life flushed his cheeks, his freckles prominent over his nose. His mouth was open, caught off guard, and he quickly snapped it shut and straightened from his bowed stance as he worked against the incline.

 

“It seems you have chosen a perfect perch. I didn’t mean to impose. I merely wish to share the sunrise, Inquisitor,” he gestured to the small hill that overlooked the valley in front of them.

 

Her large eyes passed over him, barefoot despite the chill in the air and on the ground. She nodded simply and he moved to sit next to her, elbows resting on his knees as he crossed his ankles. Solas kept his eyes on the mountains in the distance and Avalynn had to remind herself to watch the horizon or she’d miss the very thing she stayed up to see.

 

Tiny creatures began moving in the grass. Birds shook off the last of sleep and sang their life to the world. A new day. Another sleepless night.

 

She sighed. Despite being quite carefree, she never did like it when she was too anxious to sleep. And, having Solas around her did not help. She couldn’t read him like the others. She couldn’t feel him out, or guess what he was thinking. But, that didn’t stop her from being drawn to him. Often times she found herself outside of his door, hand poised to turn the knob. But, something told her it wasn’t wise to seek him out. Something stopped her. It wasn’t that he seemed to be the unsavory type.

 

No. Quite the opposite.

 

Avalynn felt if she let herself go to him that she would never come back. She felt like she was falling when she spoke to him. His voice felt like locks sliding into place. His eyes like a fire in winter. His movements like air through the trees, soft and violent. It was the feeling she got just after she smashed an alchemical glass on her clothes. Anticipation. Excitement. Worry.

 

Her thoughts took her far away and she missed the sunrise all-together. A waste of a night.

 

Somewhat.

 

She rolled her shoulders and looked down into her hands against the warming grass. The palm of her left hand marked, scarred by Corypheus. Her right now weathered and calloused from their constant use.

 

At least as an Inquisitor she wasn’t afraid of going to the front lines.

 

And, how could she be? When this was her fight? When she was in the middle of it all? How could she send others in her place to deal with something that directly affected her?

 

“Something troubles you, Herald?”

 

“I’d prefer not to be called that,” and the words were out before she could stop them. She winced, ears falling under her frost colored hair.

 

“Inquisitor?”

 

“Or that.”

 

She heard a soundless chuckle next to her and turned to look at him. He was leaning back, resting his palms on the grass. His eyes danced with amusement as he looked at her in the morning light.

 

“What title do you wish, then? I cannot simply just speak at you.”

 

She laughed softly and pondered for a bit. How confusing would that be? Solas waxing poetically at no one in particular until Avalynn figured out it was her, then asking for a recap.

 

She laughed again, “My name, perhaps?”

 

He had watched her as she thought, and when she turned her gemstone eyes his way his smile faltered, “No, that would not do. You are far too important to be addressed casually by others.”

 

A frown tugged at the corners of her mouth, “I’m not allowed familiarity?”

 

“No, you are,” his eyes looked through her then. She didn’t like it. It felt invasive, intimate. She shivered, “But, not from me.”

 

“Why not?” she blurted. The look he gave her spoke volumes of how put off he was by her coming on so strong, “No, not like that. I don’t mean to imply… that I’m interested in anything other than a professional… um… standpoint?”

 

“Ah,” he rubbed the back of his neck bashfully, “It seems I am full of myself.”

 

“To be fair, I did make it sound like I _was_ interested. But, I’m…” _Interested_ , “The Inquisitor.”

 

The words fell from her mouth like lead, heavy and weighted.

 

“The Herald of Andraste. Vanquisher of the demons at Haven. Keeper of the Mark of the Breach.”

 

“Master of Awkward Encounters and Fart Jokes.”

 

“How crude.”

 

She beamed happily at him, finally feeling a little less uneasy. She was always so worried she’d say something wrong to him. Do something wrong around him. City elves were touchy enough, but Solas was something else all together. He was knowledgeable, probably beyond his years. His sense of justice was very passionate. Take no prisoners. Do no wrong.

 

It was inspiring really.

 

It was intimidating.

What an interesting elf.

 

“Inquis-” Avalynn shot him a glare, and he smiled, his head dipping apologetically to the side, “Come with me.”

 

He stood and gestured back towards the rocky encampment where their companions slept. Though, she guessed, not for long. He walked slightly ahead of her, leading her around the outcropping and down the hill towards Orlesian soldiers standing guard at the mouth of a recently excavated tunnel.

 

The Inquisition had just cleared the path into the grove the previous evening and were waiting until the morning to set up camp inside. As they passed through the darkened stone, damp moss and earth wafted up with every step. She felt the age of this place in the air around her. The connection to her kin tingled over her skin and singed her fingertips. It was static, pricking at her lips and tickling her ears. In the center of barren trees stood a tall, majestic Halla. Its horns sweeping gracefully back as its regal face pointed off in the direction of a ruined temple facade.

 

This is where Solas led her. To the grove of the Creator her vallaslin honored.

 

“How did you know?”

 

“I slipped away as you wallowed, curious about the progress,” he clasped his hands behind his back and took a few lazy steps around the clearing, “As soon as I saw the altar I knew you should see this place.”

 

Avalynn smiled brightly at him. She stepped quickly towards the offering altar and dropped to the ground. Her hands raised, palms up, towards the statue.

 

"Andaran atish'an," she whispered as she raised her eyes to the towering stone above her, "Mamae, Ma halani. Dirthara lothlenan'as bal emma mala dir. Lasa ghilan. Set my heart on the path I should follow." As Avalynn prayed, she felt his eyes on her face. On her body. But, his gaze felt cold. He was displeased. Disappointed. Why? Hadn't he brought her here? Was he expecting her to ignore her upbringing?

 

"Something bothers you, Lethallin?"

 

His eyes grew wide, "You call me 'cousin'. I was unaware you held any sort of affinity for me at all."

 

"Have I offended you, Solas?" She turned to regard him, truly unaware of what she might have done to warrant such hostile behavior.

 

She thought about the fact that she hadn't sought his council yet now that the Inquisition had moved to Skyhold. They talked in Haven. They spoke of spirits and demons. Of mages. Of The Breach and The Fade. At one point he complimented her. She made note of it, but moved on. _Had_ she offended him?

 

Avalynn felt her eyebrows scrunch together.

 

At the sound of his name he drew his shoulders taller and his chin lifted regally -for a moment - before he turned his head and stepped across the glade. He sauntered to the offering plate, pulled something from his clothes and dropped it onto the altar with a smile up at the statue.

 

"You have not, I suppose."

 

"You suppose?"

 

"Yes," he supplied turning to her slowly, a soft smile gracing his lips, "Just mild prejudices working their way out of my system. Apologies, _Lethallan_."

 

He stressed the word, but not sarcastically. It was like he was accepting her. Finally.

 

And, maybe not going to speak to him sooner ruffled his feathers. But, in truth, Avalynn knew he was always watching her. Committing every move to memory.

 

He watched her quietly as the lights danced around them. A cool breeze stirring up their flight patterns and scattering them around the clearing like stars. An entire ocean of them ebbing and flowing over their skin and clothes. She gazed at the large Elvhen statue depicting Ghilan'nain's halla, regally poised and silently watching over the hidden glade in which her shrine had been erected.

 

It was surreal to him. Flashes of long ago bubbled up in his mind. It was haunting. He could see the past and the future in this place. See the intact temples of his people. See the gilded stone and paths the Elvhen would walk. He could see it all. It was like laying a thin piece of parchment over what was in front of him. Eerie. Wrong.

 

He frowned to himself and looked back over at Avalynn.

 

The soft glow of pyro-flies bounced over the stone like candlelight and she felt emotion well within her. Relief. An Overwhelming sense of duty. Frustration. Guilt. Anger. Why her? Why now?

 

Solas raised his hand and let one of the pyro-flies spiral around his arm. Focusing on its path for a brief moment, he recalled a time long ago. As ignorant as she was - as uninformed - she was open to knowledge. To his knowledge. To anything he might have to say to her that differed from paths she knew all too well. He wanted to teach her the true history of her people. Explain to her that her ancestry was built by an idealistic band of fools. Fools he felt responsible for creating. He lowered his arm, and the light of the pyro-fly darted away as he brought his attention back to her.  

 

Her shoulders quaked as she restrained herself. Whatever she was feeling was becoming too much to bear.

 

“Do you ever feel like the weight of… _everything_ is pressing down on you? Like you’re underwater and the more you try to come up for air the deeper you find yourself?” she cast a cursory glance over her shoulder at him, he was closer than normal but something in him felt far away, in another place and time, “No, I suppose not.” Avalynn stood and dusted off her hunter’s clothes. She stretched forward, grasping her ankles and pulled the stiffness from her muscles.

 

“The Elven Apostate with all the answers is probably waiting for the rest of us to catch up with him, right?” she felt a genuine smile tug at the side of her mouth. And, in that moment Solas froze. Avalynn’s eyes shone with pain beyond words. Beyond understanding. But, her smile was like the sunrise he had just seen. Bright and fresh. Full of promise. Full of potential. He shook his head to clear the vision he’d just witnessed only to feel something squeeze tightly in his chest.

 

Avalynn was ahead of him now, her form fitting clothes pinched and stretched over her figure as she turned back to him. She was already halfway to the mouth of the tunnel. Her sun-kissed skin flushed and bright and eyes the color of embrium catching him up and holding him there in her gaze. Her frosted brow slanted quizzically and her full, red mouth fought the smirk already spreading over her lips.

 

“Solas, we can’t stay here forever.”

 

“No I suppose not,” he conceded, “Though, I can’t agree to calling you by your name, Inquisitor.”

 

“Ugh!” She tossed her head back, a lock of snowy hair falling from her quickly deteriorating bun, “So stiff! So formal!”

 

He laughed aloud. Really laughed. The look she gave him was comical, a cross between disgruntled and disgusted at the same.

 

“I apologize, but in my defense we are no more than acquaintances at this point,” Solas half jogged to catch up to her and felt his smile slipping at the disheveled look of her snowy hair falling over her tan features, “I heartily look forward to getting to know you, however; If I am honest.”

 

She beamed happily, shoulders snapping up from her exaggerated slumped position and cast him a pleased smile over her shoulder, “Then Master Solas, I shall happily oblige and force conversations upon you until you rue the day.”

 

With another happy smile, Avalynn continued up the path and out of the tunnel. Hell bent on at least getting coffee or tea into her system before they began the long trek to find the Dalish encampment hidden somewhere in the Plains.

 

But, something thawed within the apostate. Something, some internal compass began pointing her way, and not because of his mistake. No. Not that. But, because of his interest. Because of her mind and her spirit.  He found himself looking forward to their next interaction.

 

He smiled and continued after her, “Glorious.”


	2. Chapter Two

Avalynn twisted around trying to get comfortable under the covers of her elaborate and unnecessarily luxurious bed. She sighed for the hundredth time that night and slowly pushed the covers off of her, sitting up and staring out over the expansive room they had given her. The lush furnishings. Silk sheets. Heavy brocade curtains over large windows. Crackling fireplace and private cask room.

 

She wasn’t used to living like this. And, she felt guilty. Guilty for not wanting luxury. For missing the days when she didn’t wear soft leather boots and could feel the ground warm and alive beneath her toes. She wiggled them now as she looked at them. Restless. Anxious. Her whole life was a jumble of carefully concealed nerves until everyone around her disappeared. She flopped back down onto the bed, flinging her arms wide open as she stared at the ceiling. Wishing she could see the sky.

 

Though the Inquisition trappings were hardly as opulent as they might have been in Orlais, Avalynn had a sneaking suspicion that was only because she refused many of the more vulgar gifts that had been sent their way. Josephine did her best to keep everyone comfortable, especially those in the higher ranks. It felt a bit unfair, since the money spent on the more pricey furnishings could go to renovations or providing the soldiers with better equipment. But, Josephine had assured her that the troops were well taken care of and that displays of power often began with something as simple as a few extra buckles on your clothing or larger tapestries. Avalynn only sighed and consented.

 

It was all becoming too much. She wasn’t used to this kind of lifestyle. Preening and showing off. Throwing money and resources around just to show how influential you were wasn’t something Avalynn considered truly influential.

 

“Such are politics,” Josephine had sighed, signing off document after document as Avalynn sat watching her work, “If you want help with something, you have to let people know you are worth helping. That you’re worth the investment, so to speak.”

 

Avalynn knew she what she really meant. If the Inquisition would turn out to be profitable for their patrons, then they were worth an investment. They had to keep up appearances. She missed wandering with her clan. She missed sleeping in tents and working hard everyday to keep living. It was an honest, dependable life. A life she knew how to live. One she would gratefully live again. Now she was locked in a great battle of wills with thousands of lives in her hands. Making decisions that would affect the entire continent. Her. An elven rogue from the Free Marches.

 

“Ugh! No!” she popped out of bed, her billowy linen nightshirt barely keeping the chill in the room at bay. The frosty haired girl tip toed over to the fireplace and stirred the embers before tossing two more logs in. It would take a while for this to warm up again, and if she stayed here she would just keep going in circles; blaming herself and then drowning in guilt over and over. Deciding that the library would be secluded and warm - and a welcome distraction - she grabbed her pants from the floor and shimmied into them before throwing her hair up in a haphazard ponytail. She absently took the steps two at a time and fumbled out the door, trying to get as far away from her suffocating thoughts as possible.

 

The main hall was much warmer than her quarters. A chill worked it’s way down Avalynn’s spine as she felt her body begin to warm from the moment she stepped into the large stone room. The many fireplaces and torches provided enough light to the main hall, but as the ceilings rose they disappeared into inky darkness. She wondered if Vivienne was comfortable by the front facing windows. With all the renovations, she hoped they had sealed that area from drafts at least. She didn’t want to hear her complain about how dry her skin would be seeping up there.

 

She walked slowly towards the fire, warming her hands and feet. Wondering if anyone noticed her or even cared. She didn’t want to be bothered right now.

 

_Just get to the Library. Get to the Library. The Library. You have to go through Solas’ room to get to the Library. You didn’t think of that did you? Are you using this as an excuse?_

 

No, her _lethallin_ was not even on her mind… not until now, anyway. Besides, if he saw her, she would be a mess. She would be moody and snippy. She could hardly see the conversation going well, at this point.

 

“Ugh…” she muttered to herself. She quickly covered her mouth and stole a glance down the hall.

 

The only other people in the large room were the two guards standing next to the front doors and a golden haired handmaiden busying herself with mending by the fireplace. She heard the girl giggle softly and shoot coquettish glances at the guardsman closest to her. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot; A large, toothy grin plastered on his face as they continued their hushed conversation without even noticing her. The other guard looked so bored he might topple over just to make his shift interesting; far too preoccupied with his own ennui to even see their employer standing not four meters away.

 

Good. She wanted to keep it that way.

 

As silently as possible, Avalynn slipped across the stone floor and followed along the wall. She kept her head down and marched purposefully towards the door leading to the rotunda and ducked inside swiftly as the two of them finally looked up to see who was awake at this hour. She softly closed the door behind her, moving quickly towards the next doorway. She glanced into the rotunda and saw that Solas was not there. She almost felt something close to disappointment, but quickly dashed those thoughts away. She had hoped he wasn’t around so that she could make her way up to the library without being seen. She didn’t want to be seen. She wanted privacy.

 

_You want Loneliness._

 

The thought flashed across her mind almost violently and Avalynn tripped over a stone that wasn’t fit exactly against its neighbor and suddenly that fervent hope for peace was immediately destroyed.

 

“Inquisitor?”

 

She heard his voice next to her, soft and raspy. Heavy with the weight of sleep.

 

“Shit,” she turned toward him with a whisper, thinking up any number of excuses to fumble through and make a mad dash for the stairs, “Sorry I didn’t mean to… wake you-”

 

There wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary. There wasn’t much of difference between him now and when she saw him on campaigns. He was wearing his day clothes. Faded green pants with leather wrap leg bracers and his off white tunic. His jaw bone necklace was wrapped around his fist, held in his hand. Most likely to keep from accidentally crushing it in his sleep. He blinked his tired eyes again and his tongue darted out to moisten his lips as he regained some of his consciousness.

 

But, when she saw him draped over his couch. When she saw his face was turned towards her, watching her through hooded eyes with an arm thrown over his head. His long body was stretched casually across the plush, ivory fabric. His torso elongated, and his foot dangling over the cushion and he slowly lifted his head to better see her. She almost forgot how to breathe.

  


Something about him in this state made Avalynn’s mouth go dry and her fingers curl. He had always been there in her vision, somehow. She tried to pretend like she was avoiding him, while keeping him always in her sight. Or herself in his. Was it familiarity? A sense of closeness to the family she was without? Surely, Sera would be a better choice… no. That wasn’t right. They were friends, but Sera wanted nothing to do with “Elfy” elves. And, Avalynn was very elfy. Solas was familiar but foreign. Comforting, but stressful. He was kind and not kind. Helpful but hesitant. He was a lot of things. Or was she? Was she those things to him?

 

She worried her bottom lip and took a step back towards the main hall, but there were also people in there. And, right now she just really wanted to be alone. Really alone. The kind of alone that made you wonder if anyone cared if you disappeared.

 

“No, it is fine,” he shook his head softly with a yawn, pressing his palm against his left eye and looking at her with a half smile, “Is there something you needed?”

 

 _Not now. Please, not now._ Not while she was having a nervous breakdown. Not in front of him. Strong, sure, filled with conviction. He wouldn’t understand.

 

“Inquisitor?”

 

_You want isolation._

 

No.

 

Or did she feel alone? What was it again? She couldn’t think.

 

_You want to break._

 

No!

 

“Inquisitor.”

 

_Because, you don’t want to admit you hate being here. You don’t want to admit that you’re selfish._

 

Her body felt suddenly hot. She couldn’t breathe. Her lungs were filled with cotton and there was a weird fog in the room making it hard to see. Her breaths came in sharp gasps as she struggled against the sweltering heat that bloomed across her skin. She tugged at the collar of her shirt that hung loose around her breast bone. And, then she was plunged into ice. Her lungs and eyes and stomach froze. She was sick. She was scared. She felt the overwhelming sense of pressure claw it’s way up her throat again, and she quickly covered her mouth and teetered as she stepped backwards. Losing her footing and crashing against the ladder and scaffolding behind her.

 

“Inquisitor!” Solas was on his feet and by her side that very instant. Moving too quickly for her to notice. Or, she was just slow. Was she? No, she was faster than him, right? Was she dizzy? If only the room would stop spinning she could keep up with him.

 

“Solas…” she whimpered meekly, “I can’t breathe.” Her lungs pumped and pulled and still she couldn’t get them working properly. She felt fingers on her face and neck. Something tilted her chin up, but she couldn’t see. The room was so dark. When had the torches gone out?

 

“Solas,” he heard her plea. She was clammy and feverish. Her eyes were dialated so large he thought she might be severely hurt or… he didn’t know what. She said his name softly once more and he pressed his hands to the back of her neck trying to warm her and she shook violently, her fingers covering the silent scream coming from her mouth. She was panicking.

 

“ _Fenedhis_ ,” he cursed pressing his thumbs against her jaw and forcing her face up so that she could look up at him. Into his eyes. He needed to see her eyes.

 

“Look at me, Inquisitor.”

 

One of his hands dipped between her shoulder blades and pressed until her chest stuck out. Keeping her from crumpling in on herself. From hunching and letting her muscles contract until she was crushing herself with her own body.

 

“Air!” she gasped. And, he quickly led her outside; his large, warm hands holding her firmly by the waist. Fingers pressing into her sides and her breathing hitched as the cold air hit her like a energy barrage. She coughed and doubled over, retching onto the stone just outside the door. Her nose and eyes burned and tears began trickling down her face as she continued heaving even after there was nothing left inside of her. And, still Solas stayed quiet and right by her side. He carefully pulled her hair back from her shoulder and smoothed it away from her sticky forehead. His large palm rubbed at her back as Avalynn brought up the bottom of her linen shirt and wiped away any sick she might have on her lips.

 

“I’m so sorry, I don’t what came over me. You must think I’m so ridiculous,” her voice croaked around her raw throat and she gasped against the feeling of her throat convulsing after so much abuse.

 

When she nodded that she was alright and straightened up on her own he finally spoke, “Do not apologize. I can only imagine what you are feeling, right now.”

 

He let his hands fall to his sides, his face tilting slightly as he watched her carefully. She gulped breath after breath, her eyes still turned away from him as she tried to call up any amount of dignity she might have left, “I am thinking that it is an awful burden that has been placed on your shoulders. Could I but take it from you...”

 

“No, it’s fine,” she said, swallowing thickly. Her throat and lungs burned and she felt sore and hollow, “I understand what you meant. Thank you.”

 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Inquisi-”

 

“Please, Solas, not now,” and her voice broke as she stepped away and leaned against the stone of the skywalk that lead to the Bailey, “Not… right now, okay?”

 

His shoulders fell. She was in so much pain. She was so vulnerable and alone in this world he had forced upon her. He could feel it radiating off her in waves of guilt and anger and suffering. He did this. He made this happen. And, not only were all of the lives in Thedas hanging in the balance, but her. Right here in front of him. She was teetering on the edge. And, she wasn’t nameless or faceless like the masses. She was Avalynn Lavellan. A Dalish girl from the Free Marches. A product of the legacy he created for his people.

 

He reached for her, but his fingers curled into his palm and he stared at her back. Shoulders drawn tight, head hanging low. She was lost. The Veil created this much pain in one person.

 

What could he possibly do for her? What could he say to assuage her guilt… But, it wasn’t hers he wanted to soothe.

 

 _Fenedhis_.

 

They stayed quiet for a long time. Avalynn shaking with restraint as she fought to control herself around him. She was saving face. She didn’t want to appear weak in front of him. Was he so fearsome? He felt himself sigh and stay just behind her, watching her quietly as she did everything she could to avoid looking at him. Everything to avoid turning around to show him her tearstained face. He could wipe them clean. He could replace the red blotches on her cheeks with something more pleasant. Something they would both enjoy.

 

His eyes grew wide with the realization of his thoughts, and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

 

And, the silence continued.

 

“ _Lethallan_ …” he said finally, “Do you want to go somewhere with me?”

 

His voice was quiet, but Avalynn heard him as loud and clear as a Chantry bell on worship days. He had never actively engaged in conversation with her. Unless she initiated it. Even then, it was pleasant but cold. He didn’t want her close. She could sense that. He was there to work, and she was a colleague. That should be a comfort. She didn’t need anymore complications in her life.  She nodded. Wiping her eyes and turning to him.

 

“I’ll need to change my shirt,” her nose wrinkled as she looked down at the soiled hem.

 

“Not necessary,” he assured her with a smile.

 

She quirked an eyebrow at him as he held the door open for her and let her pass, “Not necessary for me to change out of a shirt I just wiped bile with?”

 

A soft chuckle, “You shall see.” He led her back inside and together they began walking.

 

A short while later they meandered along a familiar trail. Avalynn took the lead, turning back to glance at Solas as they walked along in silence. Each time he would gesture kindly with his eyes and offer a vague smile, to which she sneered light-heartedly and continued walking. It seemed like a very long time and also no time at all, before they reached a very familiar area. Eerily familiar.

 

“Haven…” she breathed. She couldn’t shake the feeling of disbelief even though their old base was right here in front of her eyes. Whole. Intact. Just as she remembered it. Every stone. Every wooden house. The training grounds with frozen tents. The blacksmith’s nook. Adan’s quarters. The requisition courtyard. The tavern. Even the Chantry. All of it was here.

 

They continued up the worn path to the front of the large building, and Solas led her through their immense doors and down into the holding cells where she first woke up after the explosion. Where her memories began again. Where she began again. Though she was changed. Different. Marked.

 

They walked in companionable silence as Avalynn took in every detail that she saw around her, hardly believing it was still here. But, knowing somewhere deep down that it was a vision. Because, it had to be. Right? Haven was destroyed. She was the one who had brought him here. It was her interception of his orb. Her small attempt at heroism. Her mistake.

 

The walls around them flickered and Solas slowed, turning back to look at her.

 

“Hold fast the memory of Haven in your mind. Unless you want to relive its destruction.”

 

“No! No…” Avalynn’s voice wavered, her brows knit together angrily, “Why would I want that?”

 

“I am merely conveying what would happen should you let your thoughts wander, _Lethallan_.”

 

“...Because, Haven is gone,” she watched the walls around her ripple and bow.

 

“Correct,” he said as they arrived in front of the cell she had been held in. She remembered Cassandra being the first one who spoke to her. And, Leiliana. She thought Leiliana was so kind for stopping the dark haired Seeker from striking her. Though, she now knew which of the two was truly more dangerous. Cassandra had been upset. They both cared for the Divine. And, they all thought that Avalynn was the one who killed her.

 

“That means this is the Fade,” she said, bringing herself back to the present moment. She looked around her in awe. She’d never been to the Fade… or not that she remembered. In dreams, at least. She wasn’t a mage, so she didn’t posses the focus it took to call up the dreams as they did. Her skills were mostly “stab, stab, disappear” - as Sera liked to put it.

 

“Also, correct,” Solas smiled happily at her, “Who knew you could dream so vividly, and in such depth?”

 

“I sure didn’t,” she said watching as the walls solidified around them once more. She turned her attention back to Solas as he stared at the cell in front of them. Reliving a recent memory. Lost in the forest of his thoughts.

 

“You continue to surprise me, you know. I wished more than anything to speak to you, again; as we did in Haven. Privately,” he turned toward her then, blue-grey eyes bright and open. He wasn’t guarding himself for once. He was letting her in, “To tell you about myself. About why I joined the Inquisition. And, to learn more about you, in turn.”

 

Avalynn watched him quietly, her large embrium petal eyes staring up at him quizzically. He wondered idly what she was thinking. What she felt. What she thought about him. But, her expression betrayed nothing, and she continued to watch him with haunting eyes like fire. Watching his every gesture, dissecting his every word.

 

She was so different from her people. The Dalish. He was sure she would be just like them. Stubborn and set in their ways. But, she was so different. Grounded in her beliefs, but open minded. Interested in other ways of life. In the stories of others. Their knowledge. Their experiences.

 

She was kind. She was selfless. She was…enticing.

 

“For three days, I watched you as you slept. Studying the mark and it’s connection to The Breach,” he said turning his eyes back to the cell.

 

“Did you find anything?” she asked softly.

 

“Sadly, no," he frowned, "Cassandra suspected duplicity. Despite my lack of _Vallaslin_.”

 

“She was scared.”

 

“We _all_ were,” he reminded her.

 

“Yes…” Avalynn whispered. Her eyes looked down at her hand, the leather of her bracer covered her palm and the Mark. She dug her fingers into it. Aware of its presence, but always hoping that when she woke up it would be gone. Hoping the dull ache would subside and she could go back to normal. That she wouldn’t feel a sense of overwhelming duty every time she looked at it.

 

“And, we still are,” she sighed.

 

“Especially, when the one person who survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes appeared to be delivered by holy hands into the heart of chaos.”

 

“I don’t even remember any of it…,” Why couldn’t she remember something so important? What happened that her memories were lost? Had she done something awful? Had she actually killed the divine? No, she wasn’t that kind of person. She would never. What did she care for human theology? It didn’t have anything to do with her. But, still. She avoided looking at Solas, worried that her eyes would betray the strength she tried so hard to hold. That he would see her breaking.

 

The elven apostate led her from the bowels of the Chantry back outside to see the Breach hovering menacingly overhead. The reason for all of their troubles. For all the violence…

 

No, that that wasn’t right. Corypheus was the reason. He was the cause, and she the catalyst. She had to stop blaming herself for something she had no control over. She glared up at the hole in the sky. Volatile and angry, it swirled and rippled across the sky as they looked on.

 

“We weren’t expecting you to survive. How could you?” he said turning to look at her. Her snow white hair was washed with rose colored light as the late afternoon sun hung low in the sky. The wind whipped around them, biting their cheeks and nipping their noses.She had remembered the bite of the Frostbacks against their skin in this exposed terrain and reproduced it here. Even in a dream, her memory was so vivid that they felt it all around them. Her skin flushed and ruddy against the cold. Solas was sure his face was very similar to hers. His nose icy and his fingertips numb. And, not because they twitched at her proximity. No, not that.

 

Her warm, deep skin was so beautiful in this light. Her hair striking against the color of her skin and her dark hunter’s clothing. She shifted her weight easily, her hips swinging to the side as she tapped the toe of her boot against the ground. Solas felt the corner of his mouth twitch.

 

She was so curious. So cautious. He supposed being a rogue did that. Operating in silence and shadows. You learned to subtly check your surroundings over and over again. He found himself often thinking she was so interesting the more he was around her. Interesting and breathtaking.

 

“I was frustrated,” he continued, finally looking away from her eyes, “Frightened. Although I wanted to help, I had no faith in Cassandra. Nor she in me. I wanted nothing more than to disappear, yet I told myself to rally my cause, once more. One last attempt. But, I failed trying to control the rifts, to fix them… to fix the scars on this world.”

 

Solas turned back to her, taking a step in her direction as he spoke. Stormy eyes fixed upon hers. And, the millions of thoughts, the overwhelming number of doubts that passed through her mind every second of every day silenced all at once.

 

His eyes burned as he spoke, “And, then you appeared. Like a break in the clouds. An answer to our problems. And, right then I felt the whole world change.”

 

Avalynn felt her breath catch as his words reached her. His voice was deep and smooth. Tender. Something she had only heard from him that afternoon in Haven. When he called her graceful. Skillful. She shivered with the force of his gaze.

 

“My,” she chuckled nervously and took a tentative step towards him, “The Unsociable Hermit felt something from the Rift Girl. How scandalous.”

 

Avalynn smiled wickedly at him, a playful attempt at breaking the awkward way she acted as his words fell over her. They made her heart sing. Her fingers twitch. Her lips tingle and her skin hum. The way he made her feel. Period. Something she actively tried to ignore. She wasn't that girl. She couldn't be. She was Avalynn Lavellan. She skinned deer and nugs for a living. She was boyish and tough. Not delicate at all. Not desirable.

 

Right?

 

“He did,” and his voice was closer than she remembered. Avalynn turned to see Solas standing next to her. His heat reaching her in tiny waves. He was so close she could see the freckles dusted across his nose and cheeks. She could make out the shape of the scar on his brow. The dimple in his chin. The length of his lashes and the curve of his bottom lip. He was close enough to touch. Close enough to kiss.

 

She swallowed her nervousness, feeling heat slowly fill her from her toes to her ears. She wanted to look away from his eyes, so deep and clear. So… Beautiful. His eyes were beautiful. And, his fingers. And, his toes. The tips of his ears, so different from hers. The straight line of his nose. She felt her body sing with the sincerity of his words once more.

 

“You change…everything,” he said, his voice was dripping with wonder and his eyes never wavered from hers. Avalynn felt herself pulling towards him without realizing it. Moving closer. Wanting to move closer. As if it was always meant to happen this way. A river running it’s course. An arrow finding its mark. A force of nature. Like gravity. Unstoppable. Indomitable.

 

He leaned towards her, a vine curling towards sunlight. Basking in her the heat of her body. Warm and sweet. Comfortable. Safe. Perfect. Growing closer and closer. And, still his eyes never moved from hers. She felt her hands curling around the front of his tunic, and his strong fingers gripped the small of her back pulling her toward him. Melding her to him. Fitting himself against her like two cogs in a machine. Two pieces of a puzzle meant only for them.

 

She gasped as his face dipped towards her, and the sudden embarrassment of it all grew and grew until she couldn’t keep quiet. She could never just shut her mouth.

 

“Lady Killer,” she whispered just before his lips reached hers. And, he froze. His eyes on her mouth. His hands squeezing at her sides. She felt his breath tickle over her lips and his long lashes flutter against hers.

 

“We shouldn’t,” he whispered darkly. Something in him stopped. Something was stuck. And, it _annoyed_ her.

 

“Then don’t.”

 

“Inquis-”

 

“My name is Avalynn,” she said firmly. Her eyes were bright and sharp and angry… Her gaze was determined and her mouth full and tempting. He had insulted her by stopping. By holding himself back. If only she knew how much effort it took to keep away at this distance. He could _smell_ her, for crying out loud. She was on his skin and in his arms. Pressed against him. Her small, lythe form flitting perfectly to his body. She was warm and bright and clever and intelligent. She was sunlight and darkness. Happiness and guilt. Retribution and damnation. His own personal hell.

 

He growled softly “ _I_ shouldn't.”

 

“I said ‘then don’t’, I believe.”

 

Her patience was wearing thin.

 

“But-”

 

“Then do it.”

 

“It is not that simple,” he said, eyes filled with regret. Or lust. Or both.

 

“It really is,” she said with a laugh like bells and a smile like heaven.

 

His breath shuddered against her lips and he dropped his forehead to her shoulder, “You are not what I expected, _Lethallan_.”

 

“Am I more?” she breathed, her body shivering with his lips so close to her skin.

 

“So much more,” he turned his head to peek up at her and saw the beautiful rosy glow that he had put there. Replacing the blotches from her panic. Just as he wanted. His own mark on her. One of excitement, instead of fear. His mouth curled into a smirk and he placed a soft kiss against her clavicle before standing up, “Come, we’ve lingered too long. And, even this is not right.”

 

“Almost kissing isn’t right?” she mocked, “Am I supposed to call upon you seven nights in a row before your parents will let me court you?”

 

“Did you just compare me to a female socialite?”

 

“Are you a female socialite?”

 

“ _Lethallan_ …” he clipped as she snorted with laughter. The more she laughed the more he glowered and the more he glowered the louder she hollered. Finally, as her laughter died into soft chuckles and gasps for air, he cleared his throat and continued, “Yes, even here. Something like that… we should be careful.”

 

“But, we didn’t do anything,” she supplied wiping the mirthful tears from her eyes, “And, it’s not like it’s actually happening.”

 

“So say you. But, it’s as real as anything else, I assure you.”

 

“If it’s just as real as our world, why did you…” He began blushing. One look at his face told her everything she needed to know. She smirked wickedly, and wiggled her eyebrows at him, “No one is around so you tried to slip me some fade tongue, huh? ”

 

“I’d much rather discuss this another time,” he muttered with a frown, taking her marked hand in his.

 

“Oh, yes? Like when?” she felt her giggles begin again, sure she finally had the upper hand. Until she saw the way his eyes glinted as he raised her fingers to his lips. She felt the warmth of his breath moisten the skin of her knuckles as he ghosted his lips across them. Not touching them, but leaving little zaps of electricity over the nerves.

 

“Perhaps, when you wake up?” he teased with a wolfish smile, pressing her fingers to his mouth.

 

Avalynn shot up. A loud gasp echoing in the room. The warmth of his mouth still lingered on her fingertips and her ears grew hot. She smoothed her hair back and looked around the room, noticing that she was back in her quarters in Skyhold. Vaguely registering that she was now in a new night shirt and there were pelts added to her bedding giving off the smell of leather and animal. A large fire roared in her hearth, warming the large bedroom. That must be why she was so flushed. Had to be. It had nothing to do with that man. Nothing at all.

 

She had been in Haven. But, no. She was in the Fade. In her memory of Haven. A special place for her. She wasn’t even a mage. Was the mark letting her do these things? Was it Solas? Did it even work like that? She hadn’t the faintest clue. And, all that did was raise more questions about him. Who he was. What his purpose was. Where he came from. What else he might know. But, Avalynn knew this time it was more than curiosity. It was genuine interest. It was the fall. She could feel it happening. Destiny wrapping its thick, red strings around her limbs to drag her down whatever path she was choosing… by choosing him. Was she choosing him?

 

No, it wasn’t romantic. It was the call of a kindred spirit. She was drawn to him by their ancestral connection. His brain. His intensity. His perseverance.

 

Obviously.

 

That was it.

 

That was all it was.

 

Admiration for a colleague.

 

The sun was well into the sky, shining down on the Frostbacks as she worked to convince herself that Solas was nothing more than a very interesting advisor. All of this. All of these thoughts and still Avalynn’s body burned at the memory of his touch. His mouth hovering just over hers. His skin against her own. His breath on her cheeks. His fingers at her waist-

 

“Goodness!” she cried and slapped her cheeks with her palms. She rose from bed - trying not to think about how she was changed out of her clothing from last night - and quickly tied her hair into a braid, pinning it up in the usual bun before washing out her mouth and shimmying into a new set of clothes.

 

She needed answers and she was certain there was only one Elf who could provide them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this! Let me know what you think or if you have an idea about the direction the story might take. I'll be writing a few more chapters that hug the main game very closely until it splits off later!
> 
> YAAAAAAY! Now to finish Chapter Six for Between the Stars. Wish me luck! I also have an Inventory scheduled for tomorrow. 
> 
> Elven:
> 
> Fenedhis - Shit/crap.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get sexual tension. And, YOU get sexual tension. EVERYBODY GETS SEXUAL TENSION!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm not meaning to make the chapters so long. That's just how they're turning out. Please forgive. This is going to be a very, VERY slow build up. I feel like Solas and Avalynn would constantly come together and then fall apart. I just feel it from their characters. Questions or concerns can be made in the comments, so long as you're nice I'm not opposed to hearing what I can improve on. Thanks!
> 
> <3 Kryhs

Chapter Three

 

\-----------------

 

“I need to speak with you,” Avalynn snapped, marching past Solas, stopping only to glower between him and the door leading to the war room and Josephine’s office. After she left her quarters, she spotted the elf chatting amicably with her favorite author by the door to the Rotunda. She glanced at her dwarf friend with a small, strained smile and continued past him without any explanation as Varric’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

 

“What did you do to piss her off?” He asked with a low whistle.

 

“I haven’t a clue, but I assume I am about to find out,” Solas muttered. He followed Avalynn as Varric wished him good luck, gesturing kindly that she should go through the door first and he would follow. She flicked her large, alien eyes away from him in annoyance and turned the knob, shoving her small shoulder against the door wedged in its frame. It seemed the renovation crew hadn’t gotten around to something as insignificant as sticky doors just yet. All the same it took her a few tries before Solas pressed it firmly as she rammed into it once more and it finally wrenched free.

 

He could hear her muttering Elvish curses as she stomped into the room and immediately turned left down the stairs to the wine cellar without even a glance to see if he followed. He shut the door and quickly followed after her as she moved to the past the vastly empty wine cellar and to a door tucked secretly to the back of the room. She threw it open and walked down the long, dusty hall packed floor to ceiling with neglected book shelves and , waiting for Solas to secure the door behind them before turning around.

 

She stayed near the end of the library foyer, watching him cautiously as she seemed to run through every possible conversation opener. Her fingers picked at her sleeves and she fidgeted, wiggling the knee of her left leg, as she chewed on the inside of her bottom lip, giving the appearance of a pouty child. She looked away, finally drawing breath to speak, but as soon as she opened her mouth Solas cut her off.

 

“Sleep well?” He asked, stepping closer to her. He watched the emotions battle for control of her face and felt a thrill unfurl inside his chest as she blushed slightly. He stepped slow and leisurely towards her, hands folded neatly behind his back as she pretended not to move away from him. But, she did. For every step he took, she moved back one until she stepped to the side. Almost pressing her back to the dusty case behind her. So, he took his time. Moving slowly. The corners of his lips twitched as he fought a smile. She was so easily effected by him that it was hard not to tease her. He shouldn’t. Though, he very much wanted to.

 

“Fine, though my dreams were a little… Intense,” she provided, her eyes floating up to his. She turned away then, slipping along the bookshelf and into the round room at the back of the hall. Vermillion eyes traveling over every spine, delicate fingers with elegantly shaped nails trailing over the rough leather covers of each tome she passed. He knew, however, that her attentions were completely focused on him. He could feel her watching from her peripherals as she played coy across the stone floor.

 

_Oh, to be that book. And, that one._

 

“Intense,” he repeated, glancing up to the ceiling, “How fortunate to dream so vividly as to describe it as intense.”

 

“Well, the subject matter was innocent enough, but one of the inhabitants apparently did not know how to behave.”

 

“Perhaps he had never been taught.”

 

“Perhaps he’s a brat who doesn’t know what he wants,” Avalynn leveled him with a warning glare.

 

A soft chuckle rumbled deep in his throat, “You seem to know me quite well, _da’len._ ”

 

“Better than you think, _Hahren_.”

 

He laughed out loud at this, head thrown back and mouth open. It was the first time Avalynn had ever seen him laugh like that. If he did it again, Avalynn might forget any plan she had about how this conversation was supposed to go and forgive him. Possibly throw herself at him. She shook her head in an attempt to refocus her attention on the task at hand.

 

“I didn’t really come here to talk to you about that.”

 

“Oh?” He asked stepping close to her as she reached the large desk, blanketed by cobwebs, at the back of the room. The shelves in this tiny rotunda were far higher and packed with books. Towers of them lay on the floor and over the desk. Their titles invisible under what Solas imagined to be hundreds of years of dust. Maybe more, depending on if the last masters of the keep had found this room or not.

 

“What did you come here to talk about, _da’len_?”

 

“The Fade,” she said turning around. Her gaze was determined and her stance strong. She had questions and he had the answers. Though, this meant their little game was over. For now.

 

“Ask away,” he said stepping across from her, the knuckles of one hand fitting comfortably in the other as he stood wide legged and sturdy. Mimicking her body language. This seemed to confuse her, and she leaned her backside against the desk behind her, crossing her arms. Closing herself to him. Ah… So that’s how it was.

 

“I want to know what happened last night, and I mean about how could I have been there,” she asked her eyes gazing straight into his.

 

“You see it with your own eyes and yet you doubt?”

 

“I saw it, but I’m not a Mage. I don’t dream… At least not about the Fade,” she said shifting her weight more comfortably onto one of her legs and extending the line of her body and shifting her curves to one side; a detail that did not escape from Solas’ keen attention. He shifted back half a step. Not wanting to act upon the calling, the gentle tug, he always felt in her direction.

 

“You posses a gift in the form of a curse. Power beyond comprehension. That mark, no doubt, is what allowed you to enter the Fade.”

 

“So then you had nothing to do with whatever that was?”

 

Solas leaned slightly to the side, first his head twisting playfully followed fluidly by his shoulders, “It seems I have underestimated you, yet again, _Lethallan_.”

 

He stepped towards her.

 

“No, stay there!” Avalynn practically shouted. Solas’ stopped abruptly, heel frozen in mid-motion and he slowly brought his foot back. He looked at her quizzically. Head cocked attractively to the side and Avalynn turned away, a bright red blush staining her cheeks and ears. She continued in a small voice, “I think it’d better if you stay over there.”

 

“Alright,” Solas almost whispered after a while. Avalynn looked over at him from the corner of her eye, not trusting herself to turn to face him just yet. He watched her carefully. Bright, intelligent eyes tracing out her features. Absorbing the details of her face and body. Trying to figure out her mind. She many signals going on at once. It was hard to decipher which of them were genuine and which of them were her walls.

 

After a long moment he spoke again, “Are you… Perhaps angry with me, Inquisitor?”

 

Her shoulders fell, her guard slipped just a little and she turned her face to the dusty floor beneath her boots, “No.”

 

“Then may I ask-”

 

“You may not,” she said, and again her fierce eyes bore into his.

 

Solas felt his own anger begin to ignite, her ever changing mood wearing on his nerves, “That’s a rather difficult request seeing as how I am the reason you seem so agitated.”

 

“You are the reason I’m so agitated,” she supplied, tucking her chin down and glaring up at him, “That doesn’t mean I’m ready to discuss it, nor that I ever want to.”

 

“If I may-” he stepped forward.

 

“No.”

 

“Inquisitor, plea-” he stepped again.

 

“Stop.”

 

“If I could jus-” he was in front of her.

 

“Don’t come any closer,” she shifted her weight and somehow he knew that he would never speak with her again if she left. If she made it to the stairs, he would never know what her hair smelled like after a bath. If she stepped into the wine cellar, he would never hear the sound she made if he pressed his lips to her jaw. If she reached the door, he would never know the exact temperature of her body as he curled over her. If her feet tread the stones at the end of the hall, he would miss the way her hair might look when she woke. If she walked under the arch, he would be robbed of the shape of her mouth when she sighed his name. Should he let her slip past him, he would never know the look of her eyes as he took her for his own.

 

“No,” Solas growled.

 

He slammed his hands down on either side of her, trapping her between the circle of his arms and the desk behind her. She leaned away, palms disturbing the grime on the table as the wooden lip bit into her lower back. He took one final step forward planting his legs to either side of her, effectively cutting off any escape she might make.

 

_Ah, damn._

 

Avalynn’s eyes went wide as she stared up at him looming over her. The blush in her cheeks and ears becoming familiar as he glowered down at her. He felt his heart beating in his ears. He felt the crackle of her power flare under him. Her mark was reacting to her emotions; an interesting observation, but he had more pressing matters to attend. Her hands moved to grip the edge of the desk, gaining purchase to hold her weight as she leaned away from him, her body almost supine as she arched away and over the desk.

 

_Fenedhis, was she stupid?_

 

“ _Do not move_ ,” he hissed, feeling a stirring in his lower abdomen. He backed away half a step, “Just… Do not move. Don’t go.”

 

His head dropped forward. What in the world was it about her? She made him so impulsive. So reckless. So juvenile and childish.

 

He should have just let her walk away. There was no need for him to trap her like this. He would see her around Skyhold. He was more mature than this. He should be, at least. But, he couldn’t think around her. He couldn’t reason.

 

“Get off me, Solas,” Avalynn warned him.

 

He tilted his face up to look at her, chin almost touching her sternum, and found her eyes with his own rapidly clouding. They stared at each other over the tops of her breasts and suddenly Avalynn wasn’t as angry anymore. In fact, Solas felt quite confident in the knowledge that her ire had suddenly morphed into something very close to mortification. Her cheeks were slowly beginning to match her eyes and a smile worked it’s way across his mouth. This seemed to make things worse for her.

 

Her hands let go of the desk and her back thumped against the top of it with her anchor suddenly gone. Her fingers flew up to her face and she almost smothered her beautiful skin with the grime on her hands. Solas reached up and snatched her wrists before she could and she quickly brought her forearms together, hiding behind her them as he watched on. A soft chuckle reverberated in his chest and he stood, pulling her by the arms as he moved until she was upright.

 

“Apologies, Inquisitor. I -” he let go of her wrists and took a step back, “Seem to lose myself around you. I didn’t mean to force you, I just… Wanted you to stay. To listen to what I have to say. But, I think I know what’s happening, now.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yes,” he said stepping back again, “I have disrupted your thoughts with my untoward behavior last night.”

 

Her ears were now red. How lovely.

 

“Am I correct?”

 

She didn’t answer, merely looked at the ground and scuffed her boot against the stones.

 

“Would you believe me if I said my thoughts are as equally disrupted by you?”

 

Her head snapped up and she watched him carefully, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. Solas didn’t continue after that. He had already said too much, and instead retreated until his back pressed into a shelf behind him. Avalynn regarded him carefully. Her posture easing back and pulling herself up onto the desk. She crossed her legs at the ankle and leaned forward gripping the wooden lip once more. Still quiet. Still careful. Still fascinated.

 

“You had questions?” He reminded her.

 

“Tell me more about the Fade,” she didn’t even hesitate. She was focused, again; or focused on forgetting, again. Stern. Clinical. Strictly business. All curves and flushed cheeks and full lips.

 

Solas had to look away, “What is it you wish to know?”

 

“Everything.”

 

It was his turn to turn his eyes towards her, “That is impossible, though admirable.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Not everything about The Fade is currently known. Therefore, it is not in my capabilities to provide you with such information.”

 

“Then tell me what you do know,” she said, folding her arms onto her knees and leaning over them, “Everything you can tell me I want to know.”

 

He shook his head slowly, “I would be happy to provide you with references, Inquisitor. But -”

 

“Solas.”

 

Something in her voice stilled him. Something about the way her mouth moved and her breath caressed the word prickled underneath his skin. He turned to her, again. Wary and tentative.

 

“I want to hear it from you.”

 

The implications behind her words weighed heavily on him and he felt the sudden need to break the tension with a nervous chuckle, “Are you saying you wish to spend time with me, Inquisitor?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Solas blanched, “Y-you can’t possibly mean that.”

 

And, Avalynn smirked wickedly, “What’s wrong, Solas? Don’t you want to spend time with me?”

 

He opened his mouth to answer, but the one he would have provided was lost. Whether it was yes or no, not even he knew; because the door to the hallway sounded with a loud knock.

 

“Inquisitor are you in there?!” Commander Cullen shouted.

 

“Yes!” She called, hopping off the desk and trotting down the hall, yanking open the door, “What is it Cullen?”

 

“Inquisitor, I was told you might be down here. What in the Maker’s name were you doing? You’re covered in dirt.”

 

“Dusting, I do adore old things,” she said simply, closing the door behind her. Solas felt a knot tighten in his abdomen at her words, and he was almost thankful for the way she concealed them being together in a secluded room. Especially when she left looking like she had been rolling all over the desk. With Solas’ hand on her. And, his mouth at her neck. His fingers on her ribs, and her mouth shaping his name.

 

He shuddered and braced himself against the wall.

 

What was she doing to him?

 

\-----------------

 

“You were dusting?” asked Leliana incredulously.

 

“Um? Yes,” the young elven woman had just finished pinning her hair up again after shaking all the dirt out from it.

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“I can still do things even though I am now the Supreme Commander,” Avalynn joked, brushing off her clothes as she stood in front of the war table. Cullen snorted and the elf gave him a brief, appreciative smile.

 

“It looks like most of the dust made it into your hair rather than the bin,” Josephine chided.

 

“Well, maybe I wasn’t being serious about it,” she craned her neck to see behind her, “Cullen could you pat any off my back?”

 

“Um…” a soft blush bloomed over his cheeks as he looked down at the frost haired elf.

 

“I’ll handle this,” Leliana volunteered, brushing past the bumbling commander and dusting Avalynn off, “Even though I don’t really believe you, since your back is basically all dirt, I’m happy to see you in high spirits, finally.”

 

Avalynn felt her body jolt softly with each pat from her spymaster’s hand, “Oh?”

 

“Yes, I’ve been worried as of late. I heard from some of the chamber maids that you don’t sleep,” Josephine informed her.

 

“Oh…”

 

“Is this true, Inquisitor?” Cullen asked, concern lacing his words as he strived to keep his eyes off Leliana's hand traveling down her back.

 

Avalynn felt her eyes narrow at him.

 

 _Boys_.

 

“I just need exercise,” she said with a nod of thanks after Leliana patted her shoulder that she was finished.

 

“And, participating in campaigns is what? Playtime? Killing demons and closing the rifts; a leisurely stroll?”

 

“I’m just restless from being cooped up. I’ve only had trouble sleeping, lately. It’s fine.”

 

“Two months of napping here and there is not lately,” Leliana commented dryly.

 

“Two months!?” Cullen balked.

 

“Leilana!” Avalynn glowered. The woman stood before her, eyebrow cocked in rebellion.

 

 _Just try me_ , her eyes seemed to say. Avalynn definitely didn’t want to goad her, especially when she was under fire right now.

 

“Goodness, this is worse than I thought,” Josephine scribbled something quickly on the little portable desk she carried. She walked over to one of the couriers standing against the wall and handed them a slip of paper, “Take this to Master Adan. We require him immediately.”

 

“What? No! Don’t bring him into this! He’s already still got a stick up his ass about having to play nurse in Haven.”

 

“Well, what are we supposed to do? Just sit back and watch your health deteriorate?” Leliana crossed her arms in exasperation.

 

“It’s okay! Really!” Avalynn cried, “I’ll just do more stuff in the evenings to tire me out. Please, don’t make a big fuss because that’s just going to make me feel bad and then it’ll make everything worse.”

 

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room, punctuated only by the courier coughing into his hand, still holding the slip awkwardly.

 

“Fine,” Josephine snatched the page back and crumpled it between her fingers, “But, if you haven’t started sleeping by the end of the week, I’m finding the most powerful knock out powder money can buy and so help me, Avalynn Lavellan!”

 

“Yes! Okay! Sheesh!” She cried, throwing up her hands in defense as the fiery Antivan woman pointed an accusing finger in her direction, “I promise I’ll let you know if I don’t get it under control.”

 

“Good, now that that’s settled we have to talk about your outfit for the ball at Halamshiral. I’m thinking the latest in Orlesian drop waist gowns, but Leliana was thinking something a little more Military would catch everyone’s attention.”

 

Avalynn sighed and plopped herself down in a deeply cushioned chair as she prepared for another drawn out meeting about fabrics and buckles.

 

\-----------------

 

The evening was cool and calm. A soft breeze floating in from the surrounding mountains brought the smell of pine and bright, fresh snow. It was the precise kind of night that Solas loved to wander outdoors with his thoughts and ancient manuscripts. Yet, tonight was very different.

 

Solas clutched a stack of parchment to his chest as he peered around the corner of the pillar he hid behind. After half an hour of reading the same page over and over again he decided to take his research to the garden to get a new perspective. But, when he arrived someone else was walking through the dimly lit space. Someone who needed time and freedom and to walk with her slender, bare feet in the dirt without anyone bothering her.  Someone who’s dark pink lips and long frosted lashes haunted his dreams both waking and otherwise. Someone who he should not be drawn to. Someone he should run from.

 

There she was. Avalynn Lavellan, barefoot and vulnerable and ambling about the Skyhold garden without a care in the world. Solas watched her as she walked slowly around the empty green space, skimming her fingernails over stone and leaf alike. Every few feet she stopped to pluck at an errant weed or move a large, misplaced stone from the path. Stooping low. Bending. Shifting. Pulling her tan leggings taut over her muscles. The older man turned, pressing his back into the stones behind him.

 

She was exquisite.

 

One of the most beautiful creatures he had seen in a long time. Her mind. Her body. Everything about her drew him in. Her voice was like a song. Her smile a beacon in the dark. Her lips a lifeline. The taste of her skin. Solas shuddered and took a deep steadying breath, standing as still as possible as he listened to the sounds of her moving about the garden. Pacing. Shifting. Dancing.

 

It had been a few days since she had come to him the morning after their experience in the Fade. He expected her to begin asking question after question about the Fade, but, by the grace of Commander Cullen, he was spared that interrogation. He felt it was a dangerous topic of discussion with the Inquisitor. Solas felt his eyebrows pinch together in concern. The force of keeping everything he had to say to himself almost made him shake and twitch every time she was near. He could tell her. He could tell her everything. Everything he had done. Everything that he was.

 

Would she look at him differently? Not, that that truly made a difference. Their meetings were tentative, stiff, and tense at their worst; heated at their best.

 

He peeked again, unable to keep his eyes off of her for very long, and saw her take three large steps. Bounding gracefully - like a halla - from a stone bench, to the lip of the well, and finally balancing on the ball of one foot as she landed softly on the wood of the well roof. Solas watched in rapt fascination as she lifted her leg with practiced grace. Her long, snowy braid flicking behind her with every subtle turn of her head. She swung her leg forward, toes pointed, and softly stepped across the edge of the roof. Picking her way over it before turning around and moving back across the wooden beam.

 

She did this several times. Sometimes flipping around and bringing her legs up to her chest. Other times cartwheeling over the small roof. But, all the while a soft glow filled her cheeks and her eyes were brighter than he’d seen them in a long while. He felt the soft pull of a smile on his lips, just at the corners. Just enough to make him feel his spirit lift. His shoulders felt lighter. His chest less heavy. It was almost cathartic. Almost.

 

As he watched her for a long moment, not thinking to hide behind the pillar once more. Her bright eyes caught his for the briefest of seconds and she stepped wrong. Her body twisted awkwardly. Her arms flailed and she tipped sideways. Before she was even halfway to the ground, Solas was speeding to her side. It was automatic. He hadn’t even thought about it. He couldn’t even stop himself if he’d wanted to. Abandoning his parchment in the air, he focused his energy into the space in front of him and felt the familiar pull on his body, like a void. Like being sucked through the Veil. Within milliseconds he was there, arms out ready to catch her and she tumbled into them with a grunt.

 

Solas had miscalculated. Between his haste and her added weight, though slight as it was, he, too, misstepped and they both went crumpling to the dirt below. His hands went up around her torso and her legs splayed as she yelped in surprise. Her backside landed squarely in his gut. A gravelly “Oof!” sounding from beneath her. As the world finally halted and they both lay on the ground, limbs tangled with her braid thrown over Solas’ face. He sputtered her silvery hair out of his mouth, and regarded her with wide eyes as she did the same.

 

Neither of them moved for a long while, and then suddenly they were both laughing. Loudly. Avalynn clutched at her stomach as it spasmed and Solas buried his face in her hair to keep his voice from raising too high; noting vaguely that she smelled nice, but unable to pin the exact scent. Her back slid against his chest until she fell sideways, still cradled in his arms.

 

The two of them laughed until tears pricked their eyes and their cheeks hurt from holding their smiles for so long. They stayed with their limbs entwined as their guffaws trickled into light chuckles, and - just as suddenly as the laughter started - so did their blushing. Solas looked down at his arms wrapped tightly around her slim waist. His thigh was pressed firmly between her legs, a burning heat from her core melting over his skin through their clothes. Her ankles had wrapped underneath his calves and her fingers were twisted in the fabric of her shirt as her stomach ached from their full bellied laughter.

 

“Solas,” she breathed, “We should move.”

 

“Yes, I agree,” he shifted slightly and heard a small gasp from her as her thighs squeezed around his leg, “Oh! I’m so sorry!”

 

Avalynn huffed slightly, trying to calmly move aside, but Solas was scrambling to get up quickly. She felt him sitting up underneath her hips and her ankles caught his knees as she tried to roll off him, pulling his legs with her causing his hips to connect with her backside. Avalynn released a choked noise of surprise. Just surprise. There was no coiling in her belly. No quickness of breath or blinding heat just under her eyes.

 

She heard him growl behind her, and he shifted away, carefully extracting himself from her before scooting back across the grass. Avalynn tried to hide the shudder that worked it’s way down her spine as she sat up slowly, keeping her eyes away from his face.

 

“I have never - I did not mean for that to happen, Inquisitor.”

 

And, just like that the moment was lost. Almost. She didn’t forget the way he pressed against her and how his fingers clutched her hips. His eyes from across the garden when he’d caught her playing like a child. They were wide, and filled with admiration. At least, she’d hoped they were. She felt her cheeks grow warm and she smiled awkwardly.

 

“It’s fine, Solas,” she said checking her hair and clothes for grass with a laugh, “If anything I’m more annoyed by you refusing to call me by my name.”

 

“I would assume it would make all of our encounters that much more…” He paused, a smirk tugging at his mouth as he shifted his hips, hands planted firmly to either side of him, “Difficult.”

 

She threw him a knowing smile, “Nice word choice.”

 

He dipped his head in silent thanks and pulled his legs in towards his body, fixing his long tunic until it suited him. He clasped his hands neatly in his lap and peered up at her, silent but expectant.

 

“Did you need something?” She asked, shifting until her legs folded sideways underneath her, “Since you were spying on me in my garden?”

 

“Yes, in fact,” he said resting his elbows on his knees. He ignored her subtle flirtation and cast her a kind smile, “I wanted to finish speaking with you about the Fade. I realize our conversation from a few days ago was cut short.”

 

She smiled and dropped her head in embarrassment, “It seems it was.”

 

He was only an arm’s length in front of her, and in the moonlight his skin was beautiful and pale. His ears slanted elegantly back and his chin set in a regal way. Something about him was always regal. Held high. Held fast. She found it fascinating.

 

She looked at him, and he at her. Though words kept floating to the surface of her mind, it seemed impossible to make her lungs give them breath. His blue eyes traveled down her body, taking in her flowy cream colored top, disheveled hair, and flushed face. She watched as his eyes followed the line of her neck down her chest and arms, over her knees to her feet tucked sideways against her. She hugged her arms softly, suddenly self conscious as he continued to study her.

 

“You are so beautiful,” Solas finally breathed.

 

Avalynn’s eyes turned to him, hot and watery. She felt her lungs burn to draw breath but couldn’t seem to remember how. Her skin tingled and her tongue was heavy and she was beautiful! He said she was beautiful! She almost cried out feeling her heart soar as she replayed his words over and over in her head.

 

“I thought you wanted to talk about the Fade.”

 

“I did.”

 

“I’m not the Fade.”

 

“With all the questions I have regarding your existence, you might as well be.”

 

“Solas…” She whispered. Avalynn felt her heart leap into her throat.

 

“I had to tell you,” he rushed to explain, “or I do not think I could function. I have been distracted as of late.”

 

“Well, I haven’t been sleeping, so we’re even, I suppose.”

 

His brows drew together quickly, “You have not?”

 

“I’m fi-”

 

“Avalynn.”

 

Her head whipped around so fast she thought she might snap her neck and she gazed at him in wonder, “What did you call me?”

 

He fought a small smile and continued in a stern voice, “Do not lie to me. It will do you no good.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean you are obviously in need of rest. It would explain a number of things I have noticed about your health and character recently. Really, you should be-”

 

“Say it again.”

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“My name,” she sat up on her knees and crawled towards him, her eyes focused on his lips as she took his face in her hands, “Say it again.”

 

Solas felt the familiar coiling in his belly as she slinked towards him. He swallowed thickly, watching her figure move in such a way that made it difficult to conceal his desires. Then she touched him - her long, thin fingers tracing delicately over his jaw - and he almost sighed.  Her eyes held his captive and he could not look away. She was so bewitching. The very alien look of her. All the angles and curves of her face, and the smooth, long lines of her limbs. The bow of her top lip. The curl of hair just in front of her ears. The slant of her brow. The length of her neck. The circumference of her hips as he gripped them.

 

“Ah,” she gasped, and Solas realized his hands were on her body again.

 

“It is not wise,” he said darkly, his eyes trailing over her lips and neck and collarbone and down the valley of her breasts only to look back up to her eyes. He wanted to look at every bit of exposed flesh. Every place he would put his lips. His fingers.

 

“I could give a shit,” she said holding his face firmly in her hands. She was closer now, almost pressing against him. Tilting his face up so she could look down at him.

 

“Language,” he tutted, squeezing the soft flesh under his fingers slightly.

 

“Solas, please,” She hissed under his touch, “Even if you never do it again. Just once more.”

 

His felt his eyes grow heavy, lids falling halfway over them as he craned his neck. He leaned towards her, seeking with his mouth - with his spirit. Trying to find her. To draw her into him and hold her there, hidden from the world. Keep her safe.

 

“Solas,” she breathed over his lips.

 

He was so close. So close to just ending his suffering. A few more centimeters and it would all be over. He could be free… Or trapped forever.

 

“Please,” she almost whimpered.

 

“Avalynn,” He said her name like a prayer. A benediction for his weary soul. Salvation. Penance for his sins. Her eyes slid shut, frost colored lashes fluttering as he closed the gap between them. Closer. Closer. He could smell the way she wanted him on her breath. Just a bit more.

 

“Is someone out there?!”

 

With a gasp the two jumped apart. Hearts galloping and bodies burning with unused desire. Avalynn clutched her chest and stood quickly. Sprinting across the gardens without even a glance backward at him.

 

“It’s me, I was conversing with one of my party,” she said quickly, taking the arm of the chamber maid and walking her away from the garden, “Would you mind walking me to my chambers? I am in need of some wine before I sleep.”

 

“Why are there papers scattered all over the walkway?”

 

“Silly researchers! They’re so crazy with all their - Oh, look! A door!”

 

As the sounds of her voice disappeared, Solas released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and collapsed to the ground. Arms spreading as wide as the grin across his face. He looked at the endless number of stars in the sky, and for once the weight of his sins felt lighter. He felt just a little cleaner. Finally, the world was just a little more like home.

 

“Avalynn,” he whispered, once more, and for the first time in a very, very, very long time Solas felt hope take root in his heart.

 


End file.
